“I shall know no fear… Aargh!”

“Oh, but you shall.”

“I am the instrument of his will… Aaa!”

“You’re his little puppet.”

“He protects. He is the only light in the void, guiding us…”

“No! He is a rotting corpse, trapped inside his own arrogance.”

“For the Emp—”

Brother Pacifycus could not talk anymore. Not even that, he couldn’t think anymore. Everything got mixed up in his fractured mind. All that remained was the blood red whirlwind of psychic energy surrounding him, sucking him deeper and deeper.

The field went down… The ship got consumed by what was outside in an instant.

Was he one of them now?

Was he anything?

Were these his thoughts?

Brother Pacifycus kept falling down into the red abyss beneath him.

Still conscious without the field’s protection. How was this possible? It should have been the end of him. Or at least of him as he remembered himself. Was he still him? Cannot be… His mind should be no more. That was the end.

“I…” he managed to croak, to spit the words out one by one, like pulling out needles from the wound. “I… shall… rem… rem-ain…” he screamed the last one, the sound ripping through his lungs, “LOYAL!”

The red abyss consumed him, knocked him off, sent him far away, dispersing the remnants of his consciousness.

“Restoration tissues are not suitable for his constitution.”

“We have to try regardless.”

“A-a-a!”

“Is he awake? I thought we’d tranquilized him.”

“We had. But there’s too much body surface to soothe.”

“He keeps screaming.”

“No wonder, considering a missing arm, a leg and half of his head.”

“Yet he is still alive.”

“He won’t be soon, if we don’t do anything about it. Proceed with the tissues application.”

“You sure? We could just—”

“Every living creature must keep on living. We shall do anything we can to save him.”

“That we shall. Proceeding then.”

“Yes. And use more tranquilizers, his screaming is getting louder. Not sure it’ll help though.”

White light.

Why everything was white?

Was he blind?

Brother Pacifycus opened his eyes.

Still white. No outlines, shapes, forms. Just a plain white color all around.

He tried to stretch out his arm. It felt like being trapped in a quicksand. Every movement caused pain, every muscle got tense, as if he was lifting a great weight.

What happened to him?

He gathered all his strength and started moving, searching for anything to hold on to, to grip to and get any sort of support to stand on.

Something ran through his face, then went further down his body. A liquid?

He kept moving, twitching, trying to get rid of it. It finally flowed off him, like a gel, disappearing somewhere beneath.

Everything was still white, but now he could see the place around him. Some sort of a chamber. Looked sterile, impeccably clean, felt like all possible particles had been dispersed from it.

Vacuum? Just enough to breathe. For him.

Brother Pacifycus tried to get up. He stumbled and almost fell but quickly found his balance. Strange. One of his legs felt different. And not only the leg, his arm as well.

He looked at it. Why was it… smaller than the other one?

“It’ll grow up. At least, we hope it will.”

Pacifycus threw up his head, searching for the one who said it.

The white space in front of him started disappearing like a fog on the wind. A woman was standing there, watching him carefully.

“We haven’t dealt with your type of body here before. But it was either this or leaving you without the arm.” She made a pause, then added, looking down: “And a leg.”

“Where am I?”

“Medical facility.”

“Not what I meant.” He approached her, limping.

“Consider it a techno-planet, constantly shifting its location, jumping from one place to another.” She raised her head, calmly observing his giant body looming over her. “Like a spaceship, though we don’t control it. And it’s big… very big. It’s our world now.”

“A ship? Your world?” He clenched his fists and snarled: “Are you an eld—”

“No,” she interrupted him. “Not one of those ones. Human. Like you…” The woman looked him up and down. “Well, like you were at some point a long time ago.”

“Why am I here?”

“Your ship got destroyed once its protective field went down. We managed to catch you before you got…” she thought about the right word for a moment, “consumed by what was outside.”

“Lies!” In an instant Pacifycus' hand grabbed the woman’s throat, pressing her against the wall. “No one could have survived there without the field’s protection. Who are you and why am I alive?”

Despite the fact of being held in the air by the gigantic arm, the woman didn’t look scared. She pointed at his huge fingers and croaked: “Can’t… talk.”

He lowered his arm and loosened the grip, still not letting her go.

“May I suggest a less violent discussion?” No signs of fear in her voice. She looked neither thrilled, nor surprised by his brutal force and instantaneous reaction. “You’ve clearly demonstrated how easily you can kill me. Perhaps that indicates the amount of threat I possess against you?”

“Everything is a threat!” He leaned towards her, breathing hard, tightening the grip again. “I don’t believe you.”

There was a silent reproach in the woman’s eyes and she slowly tapped the giant’s thumb with her tiny forefinger, showing that she couldn’t talk again.

Pacifycus roared something incomprehensible, then finally let her go and started pacing around the place furiously.

“I’ve asked you two questions!” he muttered angrily.

“And I was about to answer both.” Rubbing her throat, the woman sighed quietly, then replied: “I’m one of the medics here. Frankly we all are. This planet needed some healing, and, as we happened to end up on it, there wasn’t much choice. Either this profession or death. Though, given the fact that it’s some sort of a vessel, I guess we are also its service personnel.” Seeing Pacifycus waiting for the second answer, she added: “As I said, we caught you after your ship had been destroyed. And medics treat things, right? So, we just did to you what we usually do.”

“No one can… treat what’s…” he spat the last word out: “there!”

“We can—”

“NO ONE CAN!” He raised his hand to his eyes, touched the one that was smaller. “Am I myself no more?” He was talking to himself now. “The transformation has already begun… I am his servant no longer…” Pacifycus almost cried in desperation. “A traitor…”

“Listen…” The woman cautiously took a step forward, raising her hands peacefully. “You are what you were before. And the only transformation is that the new limbs are trying to adapt to that impressive composition of yours.” She pointed at herself. “As you can see, we’re not really of the same size, so the particles in the restoration tissue are now adjusting themselves to—”

“What?” There was horror in Pacifycus’ eyes. “What have you said?” His voice trembled as he showed her his healed hand. “These are sentient?”

“Hm, I wouldn’t say it like that, but the technology is adaptive, particles analyze your condition and—”

“It is forbidden! This is heresy!” He began looking around, searching for something. “Cut it off! Cut it both off!” he added, pointing at his leg.

“I am not going to hurt a living being,” the woman said firmly. “Besides, you do realize that the same tissue has been applied to your severely wounded head? You resembled a piece of meat that was sliding off the grater for a while, so we had to do something about it.”

“Then you should’ve used bionics!”

“We don’t do implants.” She shrugged, as if it was obvious. “What’s the point of using them if we can restore a body to its original composition? In fact, we’ve removed a couple of pins from your—”

“My studs!” Pacifycus groped his forehead in panic.

“Erm…” The woman looked confused. “They didn’t really serve any purpose…”

“Don’t say it!”

“Fine, fine!” She threw up her hands again. “Sorry. We thought that two bolts screwed into your skull were more of a problem rather than something important.”

A long moment of silence hung between the two of them. Pacifycus kept pacing from corner to corner, muttering something, while the woman was watching him curiously.

“This cannot be real… No, all this is not real. I’ve been corrupted. That’s the only explanation. Is this what happens after it? A dream I’m dreaming, a nightmare while my real body is being torn apart by…” He froze in the corner and whispered: “Chaos…”

“May I,” the woman took a couple of cautious steps forward, trying to catch his gaze, “offer you some clothes? You’re sort of… naked.”

He turned his head to her, raising an eyebrow in suspicion, as if he was surprised that she was still there. To the clothes remark he paid no attention.

“And then we can have a walk.” A few more small steps towards Pacifycus, like taming a wild beast. “So you can decide whether it’s a dream or not?” Hearing him grunting angrily, she nodded and smiled. “I’ll take it as a yes.”

She made a weird twitching gesture with her fingers, and a section of the wall slid to the side, opening a compartment behind it. A loose white robe was hanging there, same as the one she was wearing but much bigger.

Pacifycus snatched the piece of cloth, put it on, then walked past the woman towards the corridor behind her.

“I can show you the way.” She hurried after him, barely keeping up with his pace, even though he was still limping. “I don’t think you know where to—”

“I don’t trust you.”

“Right.” She sighed, trying to catch up with the giant. “I’m Itarh by the way.”

“I don’t care.”

She ignored his words. “And you are?”

“Armor.”

“That’s an interesting name.”

“Where is my armor?”

“Ah, that…” Almost running behind Pacifycus, Itarh started to pant. “Remember my comment about your state once we got you? Missing limbs and all? We kind of had to cut you out of it, so there isn’t much left. Though, I can’t say there was a lot from the beginning.”

“Where is it?”

“You’re going in the opposite direction. I’ve told you I can show—”

He stopped and turned sharply, Itarh almost smashed into the huge thigh in front of her.

They both stared at each other. A pair of suspicious and somewhat frightened eyes above and another pair, curious and lively, below.

After a while, Pacifycus finally spoke: “Show me.”

“This way.” Itarh smiled and slightly nodded towards another corridor. “Please.”

They were walking in silence for some time, crossing white halls, like the one Pacifycus woke up in, and long corridors connecting them.

“Where is everyone?” He glanced at her briefly, stomping further, without any intention to slow down.

“Not there, we need to go to the left here…” She tried to catch her breath while he was turning back and following the shown direction. “I would really appreciate it if you could—”

“Where is everyone?” The giant was already several steps ahead.

“They’ve been asked to vacate the premises. For…” Itarh touched her neck unconsciously. “Safety reasons.”

“Yet you’ve stayed.”

“Someone had to,” she shrugged indifferently. “I thought why not me. You’re a peculiar individual after all… Ugh!”

She slammed into his back as he suddenly stopped and froze.

“What is this?” Pacifycus gasped startled.

“A window. Or a porthole, to be a bit more precise.” Itarh shook her head, finally having a moment to stand still. “I thought you had them too.”

“We’re still there?” He disregarded her slightly mocking tone and pointed at the red clouds with streaks of black lightning behind the thick glass. “We didn’t jump out of it?”

“Well, I’ve told you, we don’t control our planet. Frankly, we haven’t the slightest idea how. It just… travels from one place to another.”

“Where is its protective field?”

She sensed fear growing in his voice and began talking very slowly and quietly: “Just try not to react like the last time, alright? I don’t think my neck can survive another squeeze.” She took a step back. “There is… no field.”

“What? Impossible!” Pacifycus stared at her, clenching his fists. “Stop lying to me!”

“I have no reason to lie.”

“You have all the reasons! Who are you?”

“Itarh. Medic.”

“Lies again! I know who you are!” The giant loomed over her. “Demon!”

There was a strange expression on Itarh’s face. No signs of fear or horror in her eyes. She pursed her lips and frowned, then couldn’t hold it any longer and started laughing.

“I… I’m sorry…” She kept giggling and threw up her hand, showing that she needed a moment to catch her breath. “Demon? Me? And you’re what?” Another burst of laughter. “An angel?”

A moment ago Pacifycus was about to smash her against the wall and tore her to pieces, but, seeing that reaction, he got confused and muttered: “I don’t understand.”

“That makes two of us.” She came closer. “But I don’t understand a tiny bit less. Perhaps we can finally stay awhile and listen… to each other?” Itarh winked and nodded at the glass illuminated by the red glowing. “The weather outside isn't really inviting for a stroll.”

He didn’t reply and turned back to the porthole again.

“How is this possible?” Pacifycus cautiously touched the glass, as if he wasn’t sure it would hold against what was outside.

“Of that we have scarce knowledge.” Itarh stood nearby, folding her arms over her chest. “The planet just… keeps changing its location. We haven’t been able to figure out any pattern or logic. Feels like being a bunch of passengers without the slightest idea of where our next stop will be. And some parts of this weird route go through…” she gestured at the red clouds, “that.”

“And the field…” Pacifycus' voice clearly showed that he didn’t believe any of it.

“The absence of it you wanted to say?” She chuckled, not surprised by his lack of confidence. “I wish I knew how it works but I don’t. Those out there,” another nod at the red clouds, “they either ignore or don’t see us, and we’re not sure if we really want to ask them why.”

“You’ve said you maintain this… place. Yet you know precious little of it.”

“Alas,” Itarh’s voice sounded sad. “I’ve also said we’re simply passengers here. Like you.”

“What do you mean?”

“We haven’t been born here. It’s not our home world. Everyone on this planet came the same way you did. Well, except for the newborns. But that’s another story.” She didn’t let him talk, knowing his next question. “Sometimes the planet jumps to a place where a ship was destroyed, or some other wreckage was left, or a battle happened. And sometimes it so happens that a few lucky souls end up entering its…” she waved her hand vaguely, “atmosphere or whatever it is around it that keeps us alive.”

“You can be there?” Pacifycus pointed at the glass again. “Outside of this facility?”

“Yes.” Itarh made a strange gesture, similar to the one she made earlier to open the compartment with the clothes. The white panels under their feet became transparent, showing the land deep below. “This structure basically serves to get those who arrive like you. Remember I said we caught you? Well, consider it a huge vacuum sucking your flying dying body inside. Then we do a bit of healing and…” she smiled mysteriously, “provide an introductory tour.”

“There are people out there!” Pacifycus stared at the panels below him. “On the surface. This is madness! How do they survive outside while we’re still surrounded by all that chaos?” He shifted his gaze to the red and black clouds. “No human can withstand this!”

“And yet here we are,” Itarh squinted at him, lowering her voice again. “Also, about humans… Just take it easy, but… Not everyone here is necessarily a… human.”

“You side with xenos?” Rage started boiling up in Pacifycus’ voice.

“Oh boy, here we go…” In her turn, Itarh’s voice couldn’t sound more disappointed. “First, you’re alive thanks to these, as you’ve said, xenos.” She winced at the word. “At least, partially. Second, this place doesn’t really provide you much of a choice in terms of being picky for racial preferences. We’ve all ended up being here and had to keep the planet… afloat. So, it was either work together and live or choose anything else and die. That simple.”

“You keep telling me about the need to sustain this place.”

“I do, and not just for bragging. Those who got here first, a long time ago, quickly realized what a hostile environment that was. Imagine being shoved into an old broken ship with most of the systems malfunctioning. To add to that, very few arrive in condition that is… survivable. You should know, right? Initially, for an extensive period of time, a large part of the surface was just covered in corpses. Some had been dead before the planet even caught them, others died not being able to treat themselves. These facilities,” she tapped her foot on the transparent panel beneath her, “have been restored by us rather recently. As well as most of the infrastructure there,” Itarh gestured at the buildings far below them. “Nonetheless, there's still a lot of work to do.”

“So, you do know how to rebuild it, but can’t figure out how the planet is traveling between places.” Pacifycus gazed at her with menace. “Am I supposed to believe it?”

“Listen,” Itarh rubbed her eyes tiredly, “I think you know exactly who you can address regarding the question of your beliefs. Though, I have no idea if he replies.”

“Don’t!” He leaned towards her, spit flying out of his twitching mouth. “Don’t you dare talk about him like that!”

“Sure, whatever…” she just waved him off wearily. “Let’s make a deal, shall we? You either take my words for granted and later on will decide if you want to believe me, or,” she raised a finger, “consider me a demon, playing with your loyal mind. In that case just smash me against the wall already. We had similar incidents in the past. The rest of the personnel, who are currently watching our conversation, will put you in a stasis field and send you back to space on our next stop. If you are lucky, perhaps your brothers will pick you up at some point. And if you are not, your… other brothers will pick you up. As for me,” she puffed out her cheeks, “you’ve seen that we can bring folk back to life. I do admit, you’re fully capable of making that impossible even for us, but I’ve chosen this myself and volunteered for the task, so, I’ll take my chances.” Itarh looked him in the eye. “What I’m trying to say is I’m more than eager to tell you all I know, literally. But I’m just too tired to play the traitor or heretic game. Is that too much to ask?”

“You talked about my brothers.” Pacifycus squinted at her suspiciously. “Do you know who I am?”

“Of course I do. Soldier of the great crusade, ever so loyal and determined. No regrets, no second thoughts. Just purge the heresy and burn the traitors and let somebody else decide if that was the right choice.”

“How dare you? You little creature, a weakling, hiding in my shade! Do you know what I am capable of?”

“I know exactly what you’re capable of,” she chuckled with contempt, then nodded to the surface below. “Most of us do. This place is full of those who’ve witnessed the capabilities of the likes of you. Whether they were on their side or not. You think I’m going to tremble before you, to admire your strength? That’s what you’ve got used to? Not noticing the insects under your iron foot, not searching for a peaceful resolution. The cause is bigger than anything and is only just. And yet, hide it or not, all I see is just another boy in you. A boy who one day woke up in a giant’s body, having no notion of what to do next. And, as a rack of weapons conveniently happened to be placed nearby, you’ve made your bloody choice.” She said all that without any anger, her voice was very calm, soft even, as if she was talking to a child who made a mess and felt sorry about it.

Pacifycus stood before her numbly, looking at his hands, not knowing where to put them. “If you hate us so much… Why you’ve brought me back? Why this talk?”

“I don’t hate you.” Itarh smiled wearily. “Truth be told, I’m rather old for hatred, most of us here are. Even by your impressive lifespan standards. At first we just had neither time, nor desire to reflect on the past and whether what happened to us was justified or not. It’s up to you to decide, but we aren’t demons.” She spread her arms. “But angels we are not as well. Far from it. Convicts, scientists, murderers, fanatics, politicians, soldiers, all kinds of lost souls, good or bad, dark or bright. And with time everyone just ended up being in peace with their former lives. We just let it go. Not like it matters here anyway.”

“No one ever went back?”

“Why, of course, some did. I’ve just told you about the stasis field and sending you to space, remember? Can’t guarantee a safe return though.” She shrugged. “Once you leave the planet, we have no control of where you’ll end up being and for how long. Plus you have to wait till we exit this,” she nodded at the red sky behind the glass. “Unless you want to take your chances right away.”

Taking a step back from the glass, Pacifycus looked at the surface beneath. “How come nobody ever mentioned this? Saw this. I mean, outside this place. I’ve never heard anything about it. Even from the most vile hereti—” he stumbled at the word, but, seeing Itarh’s indifferent look, finished: “most vile heretics.”

“Where do I start to answer that?” Itarh tapped her lip with a finger thoughtfully. “Your so-called demons don’t touch us here. We see them throwing themselves at your ships without any rest all the time, not even mentioning what happens if the fields go down, but they just ignore us. Perhaps we are invisible to them, no idea honestly. Once we jump out into the normal space, it feels like your kind doesn’t see us either. A mere theory, as I, again, don’t know. Besides, we usually arrive at places where something terrible happened moments before. And by terrible I mostly mean the results of your crusades and liberation wars. So, there aren’t a lot of curious eyes, just countless dead ones. By the time others come we’re already on the next jump. As for your beloved heretics,” she tapped herself on the chest, smirking, “think about it. Even being here, after all I’ve shown and told you, you still don’t even consider believing me. Now imagine someone who managed to leave us and come back. With all your cleansing and resolution of any minor dissent, do you really think they would want to tell anyone about this place? I mean, good luck with that, you know better than me what would most likely happen, right? And even if some brave individual is mad enough to do that, there’s a certain institution there to deal with such a mistake. Usually by applying a bit of fire, to be sure.”

Pacifycus noticed a change in her voice. “You’ve faced them, haven’t you?”

“That is to put it lightly.” Itarh pressed her fingers against her temple and winced, like remembering something painful by touching an old and badly healed wound. “I’ve said we are one colorful crowd here, including convicts, scientists, and so on. Back then I went through several of those roles. And I’m not alone in that.” She smiled and her former tone came back. “To sum up, most of us don’t really have any motivation to leave, and those who do hardly want to share any knowledge of this place.”

“For how long has this been going on?” Pacifycus looked around, slowly turning his head, as if he finally got some interest in what was there. “You’ve said you’re old but never dealt with the likes of me.”

“I’ve said we’ve never dealt with the likes of you here,” she corrected him. “Back there most of us had seen plenty. You’re a rather determined bunch. And by determined I mean stubborn like hell. Thus, usually there’s not much left when we arrive at another slaughter place. By that time your kind is either ashes or…” Itarh’s gaze shifted to the red skies, “them.”

“And…”

“Yes, you’ve asked about how long we’ve been space travelers,” she interrupted him. “Quite some time I’d say. Honestly, we hardly keep track of it, and with the endless switching between here and there, it feels like it flows differently on this planet. We’ve seen some places and… events, and I’m not sure if they were all in chronological order.”

“This can not be,” Pacifycus shook his head, but it didn’t sound like he was trying to argue with Itarh anymore.

“Well, see for yourself,” she gestured around, as if confirming her words. “Sometimes I think this planet came from another time with a purpose for us. Though, so far it hasn’t really been much of a talker. Maybe some preparation is afoot, waiting for the right moment. I mean, you know better than me that there was a certain… gap in history, a period of which we have little knowledge. Most even fear it, making all possible efforts to hold back progress and inventions. Perhaps, this giant vessel is a distant echo of the past. I can be wrong of course.”

They both got silent, looking at the black lightning and glowing red clouds. Pacifycus started breathing heavily, his gaze constantly shifting around the place.

“I have to go back,” he finally croaked. “I have to tell the rest about everything what’s going on here.”

“Well, it’s not like I’m trying to forbid you anything.” Itarh seemed to be hardly bothered by his words, it even looked like she was rather joyful.

“What’s so funny?” Pacifycus frowned, avoiding her eyes.

“Nothing.” A corner of her lip went up. “A few moments ago you were about to tear me to pieces, now you’re asking my permission.”

“I don’t need any permission from you!”

“Then why am I sensing hesitation in your voice? Feels like you are in doubt… big brother.”

“Pacifycus.” He turned his face away, then grumbled: “My name is Pacifycus.”

“Well, nice to finally meet you, Pacifycus.” Itarh came closer. “I dare say you differ from those of your kind I faced in the past. Don’t get me wrong, all the strength and decisiveness are there, as well as the rest of your battle-ready qualities. You just look…” She pondered for a moment. “Like a real living being, with flaws and feelings.” She touched his massive arm. “I mean this as a good thing.”

He stared at her, then at her small hand, looking baffled, not knowing how to react. “Alright,” he mumbled after a while.

“Something is bothering you. And not only this place.” Itarh tilted her head, trying to look him in the eye. “I talk a lot, but I can listen too.”

Pacifycus clenched his chin so hard, she could hear his teeth grinding. His knuckles got white, every muscle – tense like a string ready to break, eyes constantly moving, not able to find an object to focus on.

“My brothers… The reason why I was there… almost dead…” he finally started talking slowly, squeezing every word out with great effort. “It was me…” His whole body shivered. “I destroyed our ship’s field.”

He glanced at Itarh, waiting for any reaction, any emotion, but she was just watching the figures moving on the surface beneath.

“They betrayed us. Betrayed him!” he almost cried, saying the last word. “I tried to stop them, tried to reason with them. Nobody listened. I didn’t know what else to do…” He looked at the floor, gaze shifting from left to right without stopping, words pouring out faster and faster. “I ran to the engine room… I killed everyone in it… The crew didn’t know… There was no time to explain… They were about to make a jump… I had to stop it… I thought without the field they wouldn’t risk it… They did. They were ready for it. I failed everyone…” He made a long pause, then finished very quietly: “It was my first assignment.”

Itarh was still silent, looking more interested in what was happening behind the porthole rather than in Pacifycus’ confession.

“Say something!” He grabbed her by the shoulders, turning her towards him furiously. “Tell me what a fool I am! Tell me you despise me! Tell me anything!”

“First, you tell me everything.” Itarh looked him in the eye calmly, paying no attention to his rage and violence.

“What?” His grip got weaker.

“That is not all, isn’t it?” Her eyes were fixed on him closely. “You’ve decided to talk? Talk. Tell me the whole story. Say what you are so scared to say, brother Pacifycus.”

He let her go, taking a step back, his arms got limp, hanging like ropes at his sides, chin going up and down.

“I… NO!” he roared suddenly, smashing his great fist against the wall, as if he was fighting it, not letting himself talk. “These were not my thoughts!”

“And yet you had them anyway,” arms folded, head slightly tilted, Itarh spoke like she already knew the answer.

“I hesitated,” Pacifycus whispered, barely audibly. “I didn’t act fast enough. Could’ve destroyed the engine. Wasted a fraction of a second, all it took to make that jump. And during that moment I…” He looked away, not seeing anything around, being somewhere else, talking to himself. “I understood why my brothers did it. I saw their reasoning. I don’t agree with it, but…”

He couldn’t finish, so Itarh did it for him: “But you can’t argue with it either.”

“Do you see now?” He placed his massive hand on the wall and leaned his forehead against it, closing his eyes. “I am a traitor, just like them. Not worthy, weak. I’ve betrayed my faith… I should die.”

“For what?” Itarh’s eyebrows went up. “For having doubts? For not willing to blindly follow any of the sides? For having conscience and feeling guilt? Look around,” she stretched out her arm, pointing at the figures on the surface. “Every single living creature on this planet experiences these same emotions. They are always there, inside of us, tearing hearts and minds apart. Does it mean that we should just forget and hide them? No. But seeking punishment won’t do us any good either. Dying is easy and there is always time for that. Being able to live on and make a difference, that, my friend, is a whole other type of a burden to bear.”

“What do you suggest?”

“Me?” She looked surprised. “Nothing. I’ve no power over you. I only heal those I can heal and talk to those who wish so. I’ve done my share of suggestions during my former life out there. No good came out of it. All I’m saying is that sometimes having doubts is the only thing that can save us from madness.”

“I don’t know anymore… I was made for one purpose and I failed. How am I supposed to live with it? I can’t…” Pacifycus gestured around. “I can’t be you. I don’t do this. War is the only thing I know. Killing is the only deed I do. Without it I have no purpose.”

“You know what’s funny?” Not expecting that kind of question, Pacifycus began opening his mouth, then just shut it with a puzzled look, saying nothing. Itarh continued: “Those demons out there, browsing that chaos space, destroying the ships and getting out from time to time, they have a similar way of thinking. War, killing, ripping, tearing, all that cute stuff, only from their own perspective. We actually had one of them once… Long story, no idea how it was able to get through… Coincidence?” Itarh rubbed her chin absently, remembering something. “Peculiar creature. I even tried healing it, then realized that it’s sort of an opposite thing for them… I mean, if we somehow managed to heal them, they’d die by their standards, right? It’s all upside down there. This question keeps bugging me,” she kept talking, consumed by her own thoughts, then noticed Pacifycus wide opened eyes. “Yeah, yeah, I know. Traitor! Heresy! Burn the witch!” she waved him off lazily. “Told you, I don’t hurt anyone. I’m a medic and, what’s worse, the one with curiosity.”

“You’ve talked to… it?”

“Oh, not like we’re talking now. Obviously. I can go a few extra miles and risk my life rather voluntarily, but I’ve still some cautiousness left in me.” Itarh chuckled, seeing Pacifycus’ dumbfounded face. “Before sending it back there into space, we had it locked in a chamber, like the one you woke up into. I didn’t enter it, but could communicate for a bit. Was mostly screams and threats from the creature’s side. Mentioning consuming everyone’s souls and so on. Regardless of it all, no matter how hard it tried to look terrifying, deep inside I still saw just a scared little being, perhaps a former human or any other race there is. Trapped there and desperately hoping for salvation. Same thing I see in you, mighty warrior.” She made a pause, keeping her eyes on him, then asked: “Do you remember it? Your life before they turned you into… current you.”

Pacifycus looked at her for a long moment, then, when Itarh already thought there wouldn’t be any reply, he said: “Some blurry bits. When I’m asleep, there may be dreams. Rarely. Besides, I don’t sleep much. Don’t need to. It’s all in the past. Not important anymore.”

“Do you regret it? Becoming this, I mean. Most of the ones I met didn’t. You seem to be in doubt.”

The giant’s shoulders went up and down in a shrug. “Don’t know. Nobody asked for my opinion. But I shouldn’t complain. Based on the dreams, can’t say I had a happy life back then.”

“Can’t say you have a life at all now.” Itarh had a sad smile. “Nobody’s holding you, but you may stay, if you want. I don’t think they’ll be looking for you, all things considered. And we both can imagine what’ll happen if you decide to tell your story. You seek purpose? Search for it here. I’m hardly an expert on the subject, but something tells me the universe doesn’t really care if you let the galaxy burn or leave it smoldering. No matter how many skulls you deliver, they won’t turn into a throne, at least not for you. The blood you spill will dry eventually. In other words, such a purpose is as good as no purpose at all. Perhaps a certain sleeping beauty may prove me wrong, but for that we need awakening.”

Pacifycus sucked in the air loudly. “I should kill you for these words.”

“And yet here I am, still breathing.” Itarh spread her arms and bowed theatrically. “Make your choice, hesitant one. But whatever it is, make it yours and yours only.” She then straightened up and added: “What shall it be?”

He looked around one more time, slowly shifting his gaze from Itarh to the red skies, then – to the figures on the surface beneath, and at last – back to Itarh again.

“I…” Pacifycus leaned forward unconsciously, hunching his enormous shoulders, as if she was dragging him closer like a magnet. “I…” Then he suddenly shook his head decidedly, sending away any doubts, straightened up, and finished firmly: “I can’t stay. Send me back, Itarh… please.” He twitched after pronouncing the last word, as though it was something unnatural.

Itarh remained silent for a moment. He was looking into her eyes, finally noticing something unusual in them. She seemed to be quite young, but the eyes were old, very old, reflecting ancient times hiding deep inside. They were watching him with sadness, disappointed, having seen it all many times, over and over again. Then she blinked and the impression was gone. Itarh nodded, smiling again, as though she always knew what he would say.

“Very well.” She pointed at the wall behind him. “Your stuff is there.”

When Pacifycus turned around, the white panel there had already disappeared, revealing another compartment, this time containing the broken pieces of his armor. Had it been there the whole time? He finally realized that the place looked identical to the one where he had woken up. Had they been going in circles? Or not going at all? He decided not to ask anything anymore and knelt down near the remains of the armor, figuring out if he could still wear it.

“We don’t deal with weapons or anything related, so you have to settle with what's left of it.” Itarh’s voice sounded somewhat indifferent. “Once you’re ready, I’ll arrange the preparations. Apparently, we have arrived.” She was looking at the porthole, behind which there were no red skies and lightning anymore, only the empty darkness of space. “Who would have thought, right?”

Not waiting for a reply, Itarh turned around and walked away. “Your new limbs seem to come in shape,” she added at last.

Pacifycus glanced at his hand that didn’t look small anymore, then stubbornly shook his head, trying to get rid of any second thoughts, and focused on his armor.

Itarh stood at the same place where he saw her first. This time there was a transparent wall separating them.

“You’re ready?”

“I am,” Pacifycus responded immediately, looking above her shoulder.

“You’ll be put in a stasis field, then – sent back to space. The rest is out of our control. How long it could last if no one picks you up, that I can’t say, too many factors to consider. I assume you understand that?”

“Yes.”

“Same goes for your explanations, if you will be picked up. Regarding the miracle rescue and all the rest.” Itarh paused for a moment and Pacifycus noticed her quiet sigh. “I hope your fate is in your own hands from now on.”

Seeing that he wasn’t replying, she looked to the side and nodded slightly. The wall slowly turned white and the chamber began filling up with liquid, covering the giant’s body.

“Goodbye, brother Pacifycus.”

There was no answer.

Chin rested on her hand, Itarh was absently staring at the black sky outside.

A figure appeared behind her. From a distance he could resemble Itarh, but with a closer look it was clear that they couldn’t be more different. He was taller, the shape of his eyes, ears, his slender features were almost the opposite of hers.

“You were right, Elcar.” She kept gazing at the sky. “These ones never change.”

“It doesn’t mean we should stop trying,” he replied in a deep voice, clasping hands behind his back. “Time may yet prove me wrong. For we have plenty of it.” After a pause, he added: “And being wrong is something I wish to achieve one day.”

They stood in silence for some time, then Itarh said: “Seems to be a short stop. We’re going to make another jump soon. I’m already feeling it.”

“You are correct,” Elcar nodded slightly.

“I’ve just realized something…” She frowned, noticing the changing color of the sky. “If they call the creatures out there demons, does it mean that we are all traveling through… hell?”

One of his thin brows went up. “I never took you for a religious type.”

“You should keep doing that,” she chuckled. “Was more of a rhetorical question.”

“And yet you are curious. As always.” Elcar’s eyes were smiling but his lips didn’t move as he looked back at her. He continued after a moment: “At a certain point, evolution, development, and so-called progress may reach a level at which they get so complex and difficult to understand that, lacking a better option, some might call it magic, or superstition, if you will. Perhaps throughout our mutual forgotten dark history a balance of these matters has been tipped. Has it ever occurred to you that all of it could be the outcome of everyone’s actions? The ultimate result. What if that hell of ours is just another experiment that got out of control? Or, on the contrary, the one that was successful? A pure theory of course. Even my kind has scarce knowledge of such things. Nobody knows for sure, and those who try to understand usually end up… being not here,” he pointed at the planet’s surface behind the glass. “Fearing the past, we’ve chosen to forget it, forcefully sometimes. What if it’s finally time to fully face it and embrace the change?” Elcar shook his head thoughtfully. “Alas, children rarely learn from their parents’ mistakes. I for one should know.”

Itarh glanced at him, looking a bit suspicious. “Oftentimes when I listen to these talks of yours I feel like we’re all some kind of figurines on a giant board, parts of a weird and unbalanced game, with invisible hands moving us back and forth, painting and repainting us with bizarre colors over and over again.”

For a moment she thought she noticed him winking, but then he quickly turned away and said: “Speaking of the colors. We’ve got a green one.”

“You don’t say!”

“I do say.” Elcar was already going away, but then stopped for a second. “I assume you want to volunteer again? I have to warn you, Itarh, this may end up badly for you. These… individuals can turn anything at hand into a deadly weapon just by furiously believing that it is one. Are you sure?”

“More than sure,” she replied immediately. “I am—”

“A curious one, I know,” Elcar interrupted her, walking towards the exit. “I shall send the newcomer right away. Good luck, Itarh. Please leave the protective barrier turned on this time. Your neck is still blue.”

“You don’t remember, eh?” Brother Kogram folded his arms over his massive chest, suspiciously gazing at Pacifycus who was sitting on the bench in front of him. “That’s convenient.”

“Something happened to the ship. I didn't have the time to check. The fields are not always stable. You know that.” Pacifycus slowly raised his head, mechanically saying the words and looking Kogram in the eye. “After that I passed out.”

“You passed out…” Kogram repeated, squinting at him. “Notice anything unusual, brother Aokr?” He turned to another giant who was staring at the screen of the device on his wrist.

“Can’t say for certain. His condition is normal. Somewhat. All vitals are stable. Yet something is off…”

“Be more specific.”

“I’m not sure.” He then addressed Pacifycus, tapping something on his device: “Have you undergone any surgeries, brother?”

“Leg… Arm… ” His voice sounded blank, distant, like he was somewhere else, not interested in anything around. “Head also.”

“Hm… No implants, but the limbs look strange.”

“I don’t have time for this.” Kogram stepped forward. “There is a sector full of heretics. We’ve arrived with the orders to liquidate them, so a pair of extra fists would come in handy. I need to know if you’re up for the task, brother.”

“Have you tried to negotiate?”

“What?” Kogram stared at him angrily, raising his brows.

“Have you tried to reason with these… heretics?” Pacifycus asked slowly. “Maybe not all of them—”

“You heard what I’ve just said?” Eyes bulging, Kogram leaned forward. “Orders are in place already. We head over there, we execute them, we move on. Negotiations are not of your concern. Is that clear?”

“Yes…” If one could describe his tone, the words “hopeless void” would be an appropriate match.

“Good. Now, I’ll ask one last time. Are. You. Ready?”

Looking lost and defeated, Pacifycus wearily stared into Kogram’s eyes. “Can I have a moment… alone?”

“Alone?” Kogram tilted his head, staying silent for a second, then his mouth slowly turned into a vicious smile. “Of course, brother…” he wasn’t hiding his contempt, saying the last word. “Take all the time you need.” He waved at the door. “Aokr, with me. Leave him.”

“Shouldn’t you—”

“I said leave it. Now!” Kogram didn’t let him speak and they both went out.

The moment the massive iron door got closed behind them, they heard a gunshot coming from inside.

Aokr ran back immediately while Kogram followed him without any rush, smirking.

“Brother! He…”

“Yes, I can see it well enough.”

“Why did you leave your weapon with him?”

“Wanted to test the bastard.” Kogram’s grin got wider. “Knew something was wrong with him.” He tapped the huge knife hanging on his belt. “Thought he’d fight us. Would’ve been a nice little game to play for warming up. Weakling!” he spat angrily. “Didn’t even have the guts for it.”

Aokr began typing something on the device on his wrist. “I should extract the gene-se—”

“You should not!” Kogram furiously snapped, interrupting him. “We don’t need anything left of this filth. Bad batch, I’m sure of it. There’s no place for such abomination in our ranks. Incinerate the body, throw the ashes into space. That clear?”

“Yes, brother.”

“Good.” Standing at the door, Kogram glanced back over his shoulder, adding before going away: “And Aokr… One more thing.”

“Yes?”

“Tell no one of this nonsense. Morale should be kept high at all times. Leave the explanations to me. Understood?”

“Yes, brother.”

“Good. Proceed at once. And fast. There’s a sector needs purging.”

Was once posted somewhere else. Not anymore. Just want it to be here.